The Person That I Am, But Not Really

I have an honesty in blogging pledge.

Not to the three people who read it, but to myself.

I blog so that I can have a small history of our lives.

I could only write about how perfect I am, my children are, or my life is.

But sometimes life is less than perfect, sometimes I am less than perfect too.

The last little while I have been in a bit of a funk.

Actually it's been about two months now of zero motivation and some discouragement.

The person I am right now is not the person I am.

My bathrooms haven't been cleaned in weeks...extremely embarrassing to admit, but true.

Cleaning the house has been on a bare minimum basis.

My patience with my children has been next to nothing.

Laundry had been piling up like snow on Mount Everest.

Isabelle's school has dropped of the chart and her practicing of various things has slackened a lot.

The boxes for our Christmas tree have been stacked in my living room for 4 days.

Decorating for Christmas is usually one of my favorite things to do each year.

The list go on and on  and on, believe me.

Now that you all have me diagnosed with clinical depression let me tell you how I plan to deal with this.

First of all, I don't have depression.  

I don't even really believe in depression, it's just life and we all have to go through it. 

I have decided that the only way to get over this funk is just to buck up and do all of the things I don't want to do. 

So far today I have done 5 loads of laundry.  I now have sparkly clean bathrooms and a mostly cleaned house.  Isabelle did double practices for violin and piano.  She also had a dip back into school - she was thrilled. Tomorrow I am going to tackle that Christmas mess.  I also plan on sticking to my somewhat new rigorous exercise routine.  

I am not sure if all of this will help me get some motivation, but even if it doesn't at least my house and body will look better!  

I have been thinking about the words to a song that I love by Carrie Underwood called "So Small".

I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
but don't run out on your faith.

It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river that's so wide
it swallows you whole.
While you siting 'round thinking 'bout what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you cant get it back.

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand.
And what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands.
Oh when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small.

Tomorrow's a new day.  I think the mountain I am climbing right now is just a grain of sand.

Hopefully I will wake up in the morning with more motivation.

It's time to be the person I really am again.