Cardinal Rules

I probably shouldn't be typing this right now as it is midnight and we just finished game night - my brain is mush.  Oh well, I will give it a shot!

I have had a few cardinal rules since I was a kid such as: never eat yellow snow, always examine your zipper, don't talk to strangers - unless they are family, don't let your teacher catch you with gum, never give in when your mom is trying to make you eat tomatoes...

Of course I added a few rules when I was a teenager like:  don't get caught when speeding or skipping class (I said rules not morals), don't forget to check for your keys when getting out of the car, when the gasoline thingy points to E - it means it, don't do doughnuts in a church parking lot while speeding and skipping class (or your mom will tow your car and scare the daylights out of you by telling you police impounded it), don't get too serious about 1 boy in high school...

Now that I have gotten just slightly older I have added a few more:  don't make a promise you can't or won't keep, don't make threats you can't or won't keep, don't watch infomercials really late at night, never judge yourself for eating too much chocolate at certain girlie times, also never make any major life decisions at certain girlie times, never give your kids a nap after 5:00 pm,  but one of my biggest is never, never, never ask a woman if she is pregnant unless she is clearly 9 months pregnant with triplets...

That being said I guess rules are made to be broken and I just HAD to ask the tiny framed woman wearing the overly large empire waste shirt if she was pregnant...and of course she wasn't.  Now after having been pregnant 2 times I know that when I apologized and she said it was "okay" that deep down she was trying to decide if she could run me over in the parking lot and get away with it. 

It is one thing if a little child asks you they really don't know any better.  If a man asks you, especially if he has kids you can think that he is a little on the dumb side for about 5 minutes until you realize that, like my husband, he probably means it as some kind of twisted compliment and/or he was totally unaware of the bodily changes during his own wife's pregnancy.  But when a woman who has had children recently asks you, the only recourse is to shoot laser beems from your eyes and melt her brain. 

I am going to go back to sticking to all of my cardinal rules, I have put them there for a reason.  There's a saying that curiosity killed the cat, well I am confident that the stupid, stupid cat was asking a lady if she was pregnant...and you can guess the answer as well as I can!

Soungsik's having an affair???



Now I have seen my husbands affair with my own two eyes.  You never believe it could go this far, I mean at first they just seemed like good friends.  Then one night you wake up and you're all by yourself in your big bed, only to find him in bed with a younger and much prettier woman.  To be truthful it's only Isabelle, but I am positive she is plotting to keep him forever!  I don't blame Soungsik at all, he is no match for the little nine tailed fox! 
We have always let her come sleep in our bed whenever she wants, yep that was the first mistake, letting the fox in the hen house! I can hear other parents scream "Noooo, its horrible to let your children sleep with you, we would never do that!"  To those people I say, one of our main priorities at our house is sleep.  I woud much rather have you come in my bed and sleep than have to hear you whine about whatever at 4 in the morning.  Also looking back on my own childhood sleeping in my parents bed was strictly forbidden, in fact even going into their room at night was forbidden.  If there was a monster under my bed I had to decide "What's worse a huge child eating monster, or waking up my parents"  most of the time I decided that waking up my parents was the much scarier option. I have many child eating mosters I made as friends to this day, I am just holding them in reserve just in case I ever need them!!!
 It has now morphed into Soungsik taking her back to her bed and staying with her, because unlike him I can't sleep with someone punching me in the face and kicking me in the back...oh and the hair tickling my face...I have enough hair on my own to worry about while sleeping.

This occurance used to happen just occassionally now when I put her in bed she tries negotiating.
"Mom when dad comes home will you let him sleep with me?"
"No, get your own husband, here have a stuffed animal."
"Mom, you had him last night, you told me people should always share. How about you get him 1 night and then I get him one night?!?"
"Sure, you had him last night so he can stay with me tonight!"
"Or maybe I can have him two nights and then you can have him two nights?  Then I can have him tonight?"
"No, go to bed."
"Okay, okay, okay.  How about this...you can sleep with my husband when I get one?"
Yeah thats an offer I turned down.  My philisophy used to be "Never negotiate with terrorists or 2 year olds", I think I need to update that to "never negotiate with terrorists, 2, 3, 4, or 5 year olds".  I wonder at what age negotiations will become a viable option?

Don't get me wrong, I am actually enjoying my husbands affair.  It has some major benefits.  I can understand now why Lucy and Ricky slept in different beds - even though they were small!  I love sleeping in the middle of my king bed with lots and lots of blankets that no one is trying to pull off of me.  There's the fact that I get an extra pillow, but the BEST part is that when Isabelle wakes up early in the morning, guess which parent she wakes up with her?  Ka Ching!  And just like that I get an extra half an hour to hour of uninterrupted sleep alone in my king bed.  Eat your hearts out mommies, you may want to think about an affair as an option for your husband too!